How to Last Longer In Bed – The Complete Guide

Simple Tips, Tricks and Techniques to Help You Last Longer in Bed
happy couple in bed after sex

Do you wish you could keep going for longer? Don’t worry, you’re not alone! It’s a no brainer: both men and women all around the world would love to spend more time feeling that ecstasy, intimacy, and connection. But for many people, sex ends far too soon, and it feels like it’s all over mere moments after it began! As men, this can cause big problems when it comes to our self-esteem, relationship quality, and overall life satisfaction.

Premature ejaculation – a disorder that’s usually diagnosed when you ejaculate in under two minutes – is a very common problem, affecting up to 30% of men. But even for those who don’t have this condition, lasting longer in bed is a real concern for men all over the world. In this article, we take you through everything you need to know, including how long you should be able to last in bed, what doesn’t work, and what you can do to improve your sexual stamina.  

An important side note:
These techniques should not replace treatment for men with full-blown premature ejaculation.

If you think that you might suffer from premature ejaculation, try our online premature ejaculation evaluation tool. or, read our article on “how to prevent premature ejaculation.”

And, if you want to learn how to keep an erection longer read our article about erectile dysfunction.

How long should sex last?

Do you ever wonder what’s actually considered normal, when it comes to the average time spent having sex? What counts as too fast? One study from 2008 found that most people spend anything between 3 and 13 minutes having sex. If you’re able to last longer than 3 minutes, then, this would be considered normal.

A graph that shows the average sex time according to three studies

But these statistics can only tell us so much, because at the end of the day, sex is about more than just making it past a certain time. The end goal should be a feeling of sexual satisfaction for both you and your partner. The amount of time that it takes you to get there doesn’t really matter – as long as you’re getting there. One thing that often makes it harder to have mutually satisfying sexual experiences is the orgasm gap: read on to learn more. 

11 ways to last longer in bed

Let’s cover 11 of the most common ways to make sex last longer. First up:

  1. Sex positions can make you last longer

    Sex positions can make you last longer during sex

    Sex positions that apply less stimulation to the underside of the penis can help you last longer

    Certain sex positions can help you to last longer during sex. For example, did you know that the underside of the penis is one of the most sensitive parts? So, any sex position that stimulates the underside of the penis can make you climax earlier than intended.

    “Spooning” and “cowgirl” are two sex positions that reduce overstimulation. The same goes for most positions in which the woman is more dominant or where the man can keep his leg and pelvic muscles relaxed!

    To learn more, read the article we wrote about “sex positions that could help you last longer.”

  2. Reduce performance anxiety

    anxiety can sometimes make you lose control

    Performance anxiety is one of the leading causes of premature ejaculation. But even just a little bit of stress or anxiety can sometimes make you lose control.

    Try exercising regularly, as this helps to counteract stress hormones while also giving you a pleasurable endorphin buzz. You don’t have to be running marathons either: a daily stroll out in nature can work wonders for your psychological wellbeing.

    Also make sure that your caffeine intake isn’t two high; and try not to drink caffeinated beverages after lunch, as this can stop you from getting a full night’s rest.

    If you have experienced performance anxiety once or twice, it is nothing to worry about. But if this becomes a chronic condition, you should consider getting help.

    To learn more, read the article we wrote about overcoming anxiety induced premature ejaculation.

  3. Stop-Start Method and the Squeeze Technique

    Premature Ejaculation Exercise Graph

    Practicing premature ejaculation exercises is a natural way to improve your stamina during sex

    Two of the most popular premature ejaculation exercises are the “stop-start method” and the “squeeze technique.” Numerous studies have proven their effectiveness for treating premature ejaculation.

    These exercises are used to train men with premature ejaculation to naturally last longer. But you can use the exercise to train yourself to last longer, even if you don’t suffer from premature ejaculation!

    All you need to do is masturbate or have sex until you almost reach the ‘point of no return’ – and then stop. Repeat this process several time before coming. This concept is often known as “edging”. With the “squeeze technique” you also need to squeeze at the underside of your penis below the glans (where the head joins the shaft). Squeeze until your no longer want to orgasm.

    How can practicing these exercises help you last longer in bed? These methods train us to recognize the signals that are sent-out during sex. In doing this, we learn to know our bodies better, helping us move closer toward ejaculatory control.

    For men who suffer from premature ejaculation, the exercises are done best with guidance and support.

    A picture of the PE Program, an online exercise program for treatment of premature ejaculation

    This is why we created the PE Program – an online exercise program for premature ejaculation. You can read all about it here.

  4. Masturbate more often or have more sex

    orgasm more often to improve your stamina

    Orgasm more often to improve your stamina

    Does masturbating make you last longer? The simple answer is ‘yes’. If we don’t get sexual release through sex or masturbation, the ‘sexual pressure’ inside us starts to build. In this state, our bodies will be hypersensitive, making it more likely that we’ll orgasm prematurely.

    Try having sex or masturbating more often – ideally no less than once per week. But when it comes to masturbation, it’s important not to rush through the process. Why? You may be accidentally training yourself to ejaculate quickly, which could lead to premature ejaculation.

    For more information read our guide for healthy masturbation.

  5. Use desensitizing sprays, creams or gels

    a picture of promescent, a numbing spray for premature ejaculation
    penis numbing sprays can make you last longer during sex

    Desensitizing sprays, creams or gels can make you last longer by partially numbing the penis. The downside is that this takes some of the pleasure and excitement out of sex!

    A few of the leading brands to consider are STUD100 which is the longest selling delay spray. Promescent is relatively new and more expansive but is said to have faster absorbing capabilities.

    Most of these products can be purchased online or at your local pharmacy without a prescription.

    *We may receive a portion of revenues if you purchase Promescent using a link on this page.

  6. Talk to your partner

    reducing stress can help you to last longer

    Opening-up will help reduce stress and can help you last longer

    Good communication with a partner can make it easier to last longer in bed. When you’re not talking openly about the things that worry you, this can create tension and anxiety. And, anxiety is one of the leading causes of premature ejaculation.

    When we struggle to perform, it’s easy to become self-conscious and start having unhelpful thoughts such as: “I’m not a real man because I can’t last long enough in bed” or “she’s going to leave me if this happens again”. Apart from being untrue, these kinds of ideas make us feel even more anxious and put us under unnecessary pressure.

    If you think anxiety and stress are causing your to lose control of ejaculation, read this guide to learn how to overcome this issue.

  7. Take your time

    only penetrate when your body and mind are calm and ready

    Take it slow and only penetrate when your body and mind are calm and ready

    As you begin to move toward having sex, take things slowly. This can help you last longer by controlling your arousal levels. If you rush, you’re more likely to be disconnected from your bodily processes, which can cause an orgasm to occur prematurely.

    Moreover, when you’re worked up and overstimulated, it’s very easy to become anxious. Anxiety further disconnects you from what’s happening in your body and may put you at greater risk of developing premature ejaculation.

    So, what’s the answer? Try to ease into the sexual experience and be sure to savor every moment. Take it slow! Talk to your partner and take deep breaths; notice the thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations that come up. Make sure that you only penetrate when your body and mind are calm and ready.

    Read Next: The 4 types of premature ejaculation

  8. Help her to orgasm first through foreplay

    help your partner orgasm first

    Make sure she has already had some sexual satisfaction before penetration

    Helping your partner to orgasm through foreplay can help sex last longer. By the time you go ahead with penetration, you can be confident that your partner has already had some sexual pleasure.

    This often takes the pressure off, leaving you free to have sex without worrying too much about lasting longer during sex.

    Just keep in mind that if you have become very aroused whilst pleasuring your partner, then you should take a few moments to cool off before penetration.

    Read Next: what do women really think about premature ejaculation

  9. Use thick or delay condoms

    A think condom can be used as a desensitizer

    A think condom can be used as a desensitizer

    Some men find that certain types of condoms help prolong intercourse. Some even say they can last “forever” when using these condoms. Search for brands that boast “extra strength”. Usually, these condoms are thicker than most, which prevents your penis from becoming overstimulated.

    There are also condoms that have desensitizing gel in them. Some of the leading delay condoms include Trojan Extended Control condoms and Durex Prolong condoms.

  10. Use the refractory period

    Orgasming for the second time within a short period usually takes longer

    Orgasming for the second time usually takes longer

    Having sex shortly after you orgasm makes it easier for you to prolong intercourse the second-time round. This works because your penis will be less sensitive.

    The problem here is that your partner might be left disappointed after your first ejaculation. One way of avoiding this problem is to masturbate in private, just before having sex. But the timing can be complicated.

    Also, keep in mind that as we grow older, we need to wait longer – even up to a day – before we’re ready to have sex the second time round. In other words, this method isn’t the most practical long-term solution.

    Read Next: How long does sex usually last? not as long as you’d think!

  11. Natural herbs and remedies

    If it seems too good to be true, it probably is

    If it seems too good to be true, it probably is

    Snake-oil has been around for centuries, sold by scammers who use fake science to sell bogus medicine to people with real problems.

    Today, with the internet, this is happening more than ever: supplements that make wild and unrealistic claims about fixing all sorts of sexual problems are only a click away. But do they really work?

    Our answer is that if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. To our professional knowledge, there are no effective natural supplements that truly help men to last longer.

To sum things up

Whether you suffer from full-blown premature ejaculation or not, it’s normal for you to want to be able to last longer in bed. Sex is one of the most pleasurable and intimate experiences that we can share with our partners – of course we want to keep this going for as long as possible!

If you’re looking to last longer in bed, you can now use this article as a resource for what works and what doesn’t.

Remember to try our online premature ejaculation evaluation tool if you think you might suffer from this condition; and don’t forget that you learn about premature ejaculation treatments by reading article on “how to prevent premature ejaculation.

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About Daniel Sher, MA

Clinical Psychologist and Sex Therapy Expert

Daniel Sher is a registered clinical psychologist and a sex therapy expert practicing in Cape Town, South Africa. Daniel gained his master’s degree in clinical psychology from the University of Cape Town (UCT) in 2014. A component of his training and practice involves working in the context of sexual and sex-related issues.

Daniel is a professional consultant for the Between Us Clinic, where he writes, edits, and reviews, professional materials and articles. He also treats patients at his clinic for male sexual dysfunctions including, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and sexual performance anxiety.