Why Can’t I Last Longer in Bed?
It is true that premature ejaculation can have a variety of underlying causes. These include physical, psychological, and genetic factors. They may have been present all along, or they could have been newly developed. None of these causes is anything to feel shame or embarrassment over.
What is the main cause of premature ejaculation?
The main cause for PE is an inability to identify the ‘point of no return’. If, for some reason, you are unable to identify the signals your body is sending you during sex, you will not be able to pace yourself, and therefore, cannot prolong sex.
Take a look at the graph below – it describes the sexual process for men who don’t suffer from PE:
The sexual process involves four steps:
The main difference between men suffering from PE and those who do not is the ability to extend and maintain the plateau stage.
Men without PE know how to identify the upcoming ‘point of no return’ and pace themselves accordingly. They use this ability to last longer during sex.
For a man suffering from PE, this stage is short or non-existent: the ejaculation occurs within a short period of time. The man lacks the tools to prolong ejaculation.
If you suffer from lifelong PE (when you have had it your entire life,) your difficulty identifying the ‘point of no return’ has prevented you from being able to build your sexual stamina.
If your PE started all of a sudden (which is called acquired or sudden onset of premature ejaculation), or if you suffer from it inconsistently (variable premature ejaculation), this may mean that you have lost touch with your body’s sexual signals.
You can think about it as training for a marathon: you have to know your body, and pay attention to your heart rate, muscles and breathing. If you are not in sync with your body, you may tire before the end of the run. Only after you get to know your body’s responses can you practice running long distances. Controlling ejaculation is much the same.
This is why the key to overcoming PE is to learn to be aware of the feelings you have during sexual arousal. This helps you learn to identify your ‘point of no return’ and then use this ability to practice building your stamina.
The good news is that our premature ejaculation program contains exercises to teach just that! You can read more about the program by clicking here.
Premature ejaculation underlying causes
For many years, the cause of all premature ejaculation cases was thought to be a learning behavioral problem. Research now shows that premature ejaculation can be caused by a variety of factors.
A learning behavioral problem
When a man has sex for the first time, he may become so aroused that he ejaculates without being fully aware of what is happening. This is natural. But with time and experience, the average man will learn to recognize the feelings of arousal that precede orgasm, which leads to the development of control over the ejaculatory reflex.
In many men who experience premature ejaculation, there is a disturbance or interruption to their natural learning process.
This interruption causes them to struggle to recognize their ‘point of no return’. Because of this, they are unable to prolong the plateau stage, delay orgasm, and exert control over their ejaculatory reflex.
This learning behavioral problem frequently develops due to stressful environments that surround sex during adolescence. Examples include having sex while parents or other family members are home, or doing so at a party when others are just outside the bedroom door.
Low levels of serotonin
Serotonin is a chemical in the brain that is popularly thought to be a contributor to a feeling of well-being and happiness. Recent studies have revealed a lower level of serotonin in men that suffer from premature ejaculation, in comparison to men who experience a more standard sexual process.
According to research conducted by Marcel D. Waldinger, a neuropsychiatrist, 91% of lifelong premature ejaculation cases are caused by genetic factors. We must note that this in no way indicates these cases are not treatable.
Psychological factors can both cause premature ejaculation outright, or worsen existing cases. The most common psychological causes of premature ejaculation are:
- Sexual performance anxiety. Anxiety surrounding sexual intercourse can stem from factors such as: negative thoughts, sexual inexperience, unpleasant sexual experiences, the stress of trying to perform or trying to impress the partner, and a lack of sexual education or unrealistic expectations of sexual relations. Unrealistic expectations can be caused by a number of issues, including a conservative upbringing, or the viewing of pornography at a young age.
- Stress. Problems in a variety of areas in life may cause stress, which can manifest as premature ejaculation. Work or financial difficulties, new relationships and relationship problems are common examples.
- Deep psychological issues. These can include sexual abuse, clinical depression, anxiety disorders and low self-esteem.
- Stress. Often, men with erection issues hurry to penetration as soon as they are able to get an erection. The associated stress and anxiety lead them to ejaculate early, and over time this can become a fixed habit.