My Partner Has Premature Ejaculation – What Can I Do to Help?

Premature ejaculation doesn’t have to ruin your sex life.

partner has premature ejaculation

According to a recent study, approximately 30% of men experience premature ejaculation (PE) at some point in time. Researchers also found that PE can affect men of all ages.

PE is not only common, but it can also cause great angst, psychological distress, and confidence issues in some men. And although your partner may have a hard time opening up and sharing his concerns with you, encouraging him to talk to you or a doctor about it may help him overcome this sexual roadblock.

PE doesn’t have to rule your sex life. In fact, with your love, patience, and encouragement, sex can be everything you imagined. The first step to helping your partner recover from PE is to learn what it is, what to expect (signs and symptoms), and how it is commonly treated.

The goal of this article is to teach you how to encourage your partner to get treatment.

What counts as premature ejaculation?

It is difficult to pinpoint exactly what counts as premature ejaculation (PE) because it is often defined in many different ways. For instance, a literature review on the definitions of acquired and lifelong PE found that both forms are characterized by:

  1. ejaculation that typically occurs within 60-seconds after vaginal penetration [..] (lifelong PE) or a significant and/or troublesome decline of 3-minutes or less in latency (acquired PE)
  2. an inability to delay ejaculation during all or almost all vaginal penetrations, and lastly,
  3. unpleasant or negative personal sexual experiences (i.e., anxiety, emotional distress, concern, and frustration) leading to an avoidance of sexual intimacy.

On the other hand, recently, the International Society of Sexual Medicine determined that PE is defined as ejaculation that occurs within 3 minutes of penetration. So, you can see where the confusion is coming from.

Still, in its simplest terms, PE is a sexual issue that arises when a man is unable to control the timing of his ejaculation. As a result, he and his partner remain sexually unsatisfied.

In some cases, PE occurs during foreplay or before penetration. Keep in mind that adult movies do not depict realistic sexual encounters. For instance, the average man ejaculates within five to thirteen minutes after penetration. Therefore, normal and healthy sex does not last for hours – in most cases. It is also important to understand that this sexual condition may co-exist with erectile dysfunction (ED).

It is also important to know that PE doesn’t have to be present all the time and that it can be acquired. If you are interested in learning more about the various types of PE, click here.

Can premature ejaculation be treated?

Yes, there are a variety of things you and your partner can do to treat premature ejaculation. For instance, you can seek sex therapy with a certified sex therapist. This professional will listen to your concerns, help your partner uncover the root of the problem, teach you how to be an effective support system for your partner, and develop a customized treatment plan to conquer PE.

Behavioral sex therapy exercises can teach your partner how to delay his ejaculation and prolong sex. Prescription Medication, desensitizing sprays, creams, and condoms may also mask or reduce the symptoms and severity of PE. It is important that you speak with a couple or marriage counselor if you feel that PE is severely affecting your relationship and quality of life.

If you would like to learn more about PE prevention and treatment options, click here.

How can I help?

There are several things you can do to help your partner with PE, such as:

Be understanding – It’s not a joke

First, realize that premature ejaculation is not a joke. In other words, NEVER brush off, joke, tease, kid, or laugh about your partner’s condition. It’s not only hurtful, but it could also worsen PE, causing him to ignore the issue. It could also cause a decline in his self-esteem and self-confidence, leading to a dry spell in the bedroom. So, take it seriously, especially if your partner expresses distress or concern about it.

Research it

Next, research premature ejaculation, so you know what your partner is experiencing. Research the definition, causes, symptoms, diagnosis, treatment options, and emotional impact on you, him, and your relationship. Learn about various coping mechanisms, so you can be a strong support system for your partner.

Also, consider attending a support group for PE, so you can better cope with your personal feelings about the condition. The more you know about PE, the better you will be able to help your loved one conquer it. Once you learn everything you can about PE, share this information with your partner.

Talk about it

How do I talk to my partner about premature ejaculation? Broach the subject and allow your partner to voice his concerns and fears to you – uninterrupted. After your partner has had time to fully express his thoughts and feelings on the matter, share your thoughts, feelings, fears, and concerns with him in a non-judgmental way. This talk should come from a place of love, support, and concern. It is important to understand that PE affects many different aspects of a man’s life.

As a result, fear, frustration, and upset can trickle into your relationship, affecting your quality of life. Also, keep in mind that men with PE typically feel ashamed, guilty, and embarrassed about the condition, causing them to shut down at the mere mention of the topic. So, tread lightly when broaching the topic with your partner. And, don’t be offended if he doesn’t want to talk about it at first. Give him time and try again at a later date. Let your partner know you are always available to listen to him should he need to talk.

Work together

Lastly, it is important that you and your partner work together to combat PE. Once you have a common goal, you will have a better chance of defeating it. The result? A stronger relationship and more fulfilling sex life. Your love, support, and cooperation will reduce the pressure to “perform,” so you can both be sexually satisfied.

In summary

Most people believe that premature ejaculation is just a “guy’s problem,” but that’s not entirely true. The truth is PE affects both partners. More specifically, it can lead to unsatisfactory sexual experiences for you and your partner. It is common to feel exasperated when your partner is dealing with a sexual issue – especially when you feel like there’s nothing you can do about it.

The good news is you can do something to help your partner. The key, however, is to be tactful, loving, supportive, patient, and understanding when addressing the issue with him. Keep in mind your partner probably feels humiliated, so it is important that you not only support him but also encourage him to take steps to remedy the situation.

* Learn how you can overcome premature ejaculation using the Between Us Clinic’s Premature Ejaculation Program.

About R.Y Langham, PhD

Psychologist and Marriage Therapist

Dr. R.Y. Langham is a certified psychologist and marriage therapist. She holds a PhD in family psychology from Capella University and an MMFT in marriage and family therapy from Trevecca Nazarene University.

Dr. Langham serves as a professional consultant for the Between Us Clinic, where she writes, edits, and reviews professional materials and articles on the topics of sex and relationships.